TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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