therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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