There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize