Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
