Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
