I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
