There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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