i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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