does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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