He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
