So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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