How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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