We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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