we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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