why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
