She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
