I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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