He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he shaved USA in his pubs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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