I think my fart just growled at me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
