...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
