I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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