Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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