just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
