but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
