He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
