there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
