I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
