Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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