I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
