It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize