$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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