what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
