why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
