I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
