if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
