its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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