You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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