Kiss
Puke
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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