Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
