She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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