we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
