does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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