so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
