My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
