I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
