So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
