She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
