Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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