you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to make out with him forever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
