I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone signed my nipple.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
