So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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