I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
