i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize