That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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