Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
