that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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