I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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