Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
