and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
