Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
