brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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