That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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