i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
