If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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