Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
