I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
