i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
