My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
