put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize