I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
