i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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