I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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