Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
