I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
