Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
