my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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