Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
