i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
