i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
