i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
