Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
