u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
