I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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