My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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