This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
