put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize