What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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