Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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