He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is Oprah even human
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
