I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
