it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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