roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
