I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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