He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
