I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
