I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
