Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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