no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
