Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
