1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's rum buckets o'clock
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize