We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
