He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
