i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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