no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
