apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
