Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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