i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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