Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
