I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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