I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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