We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
