I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
