oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
