i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize