i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
