I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The Olympian is in my bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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